i'd like to make a toast.

i fell in love with all of you for very different reasons, but stayed there for the same one -- you stayed, too.

"lucky me ... knowing you" was in a card taped to my door one evening during my darkest days. the gesture shined such a light on my blessings, it was then that i realized just how many were unconditionally by my side.

you were patient and gave it to me straight. you put me in my place and helped me dance the night away. you cried with me and laughed at me, warned me and encouraged me. you looked at me like i'd lost my mind and knew the way to my heart. you cuddled up in my bed for sweet dreams and tucked me in on your couch.

you were there.

no questions asked.

lucky me.

with all i have, i hope to leave behind the thought that i deserved all the players on team erica. though these words are passionately written for a handful of people, i will particularly celebrate them with my girls this weekend. (and, duh, follow up with part two of how the well-dressed disaster goes down.)

'til i brag about the rest of my village, here's to you (yet again), my soul sisters.

cheers! e

i wonder what i'll be when i grow up.

it's a thought dreamt of across the world, and a never-ending thought at that -- from princesses and astronauts to simply at peace and in love. absolutely, once you have a child, you consider the concept that you never really stop growing. now the wonder is just all the more infinite. in taking the time to watch their eyelids flutter as you're snuggled up in bed, you can so magically feel their sweetest dreams coming true.

but, what exactly do you wonder, little one? is it about the happily ever after with a white picket fence and brothers and sisters that i can't give you? or, is it as innocent as the whisper of rise and shine, time for preschool? (and, yes, hot dogs can be for breakfast ... )

it dawned on me the other day that i'm in my (eek!) late twenties. what i hope for in my thirties is significantly different from just a few years ago, let alone the childhood dream. nothing in this world was gonna stop me from being a storm chaser, yet i became a hair and makeup artist. oh, but now what i wouldn't give to have a book published! in my dreams, have i actually started writing it instead of just blabbing about it. once upon a time, i even wanted to be a soccer mom of six. (oh, lawd!) life with my little miss has been more than enough fulfillment, nevermind the extraordinary satisfaction that comes along with being a best friend, a part of my family, a stylist, a self-proclaimed good time, comedian and know-it-all, an all-things-artsy enthusiast, a risk taker, a survivor and (fingers crossed) positive role model.

as i reflect on all the whats i've wanted to be in the last 27 years, i see that life should really be about the who. more than anything, when i grow up, i wanna be someone worth admiring. i dream of being who my child wants to be when she grows up.

xo! e

accepting fall and the fall.

this week, i slipped into my running shoes, grabbed a friend with the fullest of hearts and away we went -- with the notion that as the seasons change, so can we.

this time last year, i was not the girl you now have dancing through your mind. there was no laughter singing in your ears or profound writing to fill your soul. the girl i was knows me better than anyone, yet such a stranger. i've been clawing away at my place in the world, dragging and cussing her from one temporary happiness to another ignorant bliss. tired from the weight of her, i often leave her behind in order to get to the next escape quicker. sooner or later, she finds me. pulling at me until the sweet distraction is no longer within my grasp.

down we go again.

turning 27 was supposed to be different than 26, but i found myself taming the same heartbreaking emotions, asking the same gut-wrenching questions. i'd broken free from her and wandered into a precious moment of contentment.

then, she found me.

only now, i'm considering that maybe i'm not so much pushing her away as she's willingly standing still, waiting patiently for me to realize that we should be in this together -- that i am her. she is where i write from, who i learn from, why i always end up stronger. she is what i have to offer when we stumble upon someone else's struggle.

she is me.

the summer isn't ending the way i had so badly wanted, but it was that girl that has caught me. it is her i want to change for, change with, run with and fall with. 

xo! e

and, happiness don't drag its feet.

we break from strolling to shop downtown for teacher goodies. tuesday is the last day of my sweet girl's first year of pre-school. how do you give enough thanks? thanks to those who made this possible. the special one with the tiny, manila envelope. the one that wouldn't rather be anywhere else than the car line. the ones that stimulate her already-too-smart brain. the one that makes sure she gets lunch, a nap and endless lovin' when i'm at work. the ones that help my daughter grow on the days i'm far too small to do so by myself. the ones that serve as her captivated audience when the harlan show is on. the ones that love us; not just because they have to, but because it somehow makes their world a better place. the ones that revived my life -- our life.

this year, i've been slapped with the reality that if you aren't the one writing your story, who is? everyone else? no one at all? circumstances left me destructed, and while others try to piece me back together, the only way reconstruction is worth the effort is if my beliefs are the foundation.

people and time, both good and bad, come and go -- all that matters in the aftermath is if i'm at peace.

am i?

are you?

one must decide and believe in it before society decides and shouts it out for you. the beauty in that peace is that once you've found it, society's opinion is no longer your business; it's theirs and you mind your own.

so, as my harlan darlin' learns to count to twenty, i'll learn to count my blessings ... not my flaws.

xo! e

an abrupt awakening that would never come.

sure, i've experienced some mild anxiety -- i think anyone can work themselves up from time to time. but, a panic attack? never. as quick as the snap of your fingers, and i could be sent into a fit that would numb my fingers, toes, and entire face. even the thought of someone leaving my side to simply walk across the alley to pick up dinner left me fearing for my life. my thoughts were just clear enough to know i meant no harm to myself. no doubt in my mind that i have much to live for, but i litetally lost control of my own body.

harlan safe and full of life at the beach, i allowed myself a week to fall apart -- the millions of broken pieces scattered about was life as i had known it.

a nightmare.

an abrupt awakening that would never come.

that week held my second wedding anniversary and birthday. i celebrated neither. (unless you count the shower i finally made myself take to honor my 26 years.) you could find me curled up on the couch, babysat by a best friend and/or family member. breaks in hysteria came from ridiculousness marathons, trying to overdose on the best medicine.

laughter.

the one time i was left alone (for an hour), while the paranoia was pitiful at the time, i can find the humor in it now. i had heard a knocking at my door. aching for company, i hurried downstairs to see who it was. i saw black, someone covering the peephole. "who is it? i'm not in the mood for a prank." silence. i looked again. still black. "seriously! what do you want?" more silence. yes, eventually i gave up on arguing with my door only to find that the something, not someone, covering the peephole was my mailbox lid due to an oversized package. (don't worry, as soon as my heart rate went down, i giggled.)

all the days i took one at a time added up. that week turned in months ago. as for myself? well, i ...

i woke up.

valentine, shmalentine.

someone won't be showing up at my door, flowers in hand and handsome, to sweep me off to a fancy pants dinner (or a drive-thru for that matter), but i can still celebrate. if you're lucky enough to love anything at all, you're lucky enough. to remind my sometimes broken heart of that very truth, i'm using this holiday to acknowledge 14 randoms i love out loud :

1. daughter -- you just have to know this kid. i bet my next 13 things that you love her at hello.

2. sundays -- what's not to fall for? it's a little sleeping in, spiritual, gathered 'round a lunch table, chasing after bubbles and goofy dogs, or doin' absolutely nothin' kinda love.

3. village -- family and those friends that might as well be. no matter across town, the state or country, hold them tight. always!
4. music -- if you know me well, you know my lyric obsession. the way some are written just reach out and never let you go. whatever is happening in my life at that moment will forever flood my mind when these songs come on. eric church describes just that with his a melody sounds like a memory line.

5. home -- is where the heart is, and where i can walk around in my underwear.

6. leo -- while other signs are ruled by planets that revolve around the sun, we are, in fact, ruled by the sun; center of attention, if you will. being put on a pedestal does not bother us in the least, and given our natural creativity, the audience is appreciated. a loyal and protective leader, much like the lion, with faults as large in scale as our virtues, we can come off as conceited, but are actually sensitive.

7. me time -- and, in true leo fashion, of course i love hanging out with myself. duh.
8. sunshine -- my ruler. (ha.) i never close my blinds. i hate artificial lighting. that's all.

9. new girl -- is some television that literally makes me lol! it's the best medicine.
10. recovery -- just for today, i will be unafraid. especially i will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as i give to the world, so the world will give to me.
11. beauty -- thank goodness for my livelihood! imagine what a full heart i have when someone gushes over how their look makes them feel. love what you do, and you never have to work a day in your life.

12. art -- i would not trade my abilities for anyone's, but am moved by the way others see the world.
13. coffee -- currently, vanilla praline from hawaiian isles kona coffee co., pressed with a splash of hazelnut.
14. wine -- makes conversation better, laughter bigger and hearts warmer.

in the spirit of this coming thursday, i encourage you to jot down 14 things you love, silly and sentimental. it'll be like chocolates and teddy bears for the soul. happy valentine's, y'all!

xo! e

FREE valentine's hair and makeup announcement!

a big thanks to everyone that entered the contest! my apologies for posting the winner so late, but i had one of those days. (hehe.) i hope you'll continue the support -- which will only generate more fun giveaways. you all deserve this prize, so i'm feeling pretty good about drawing from this list again for another day (as spaces were already filling up for next thursday on my book), if anyone is up for that!

the lucky lady to be pampered on valentine's day is : 

 

congratulations! please contact me through my facebook inbox to set up your appointment. can't wait to work with you. thanks again, girls!

xo! e